Despite having a minor chest cold – which seems to be easing as expected due to my uncharacteristically scheduled cough syrup and Mucinex routine – I feel content about my circumstances. Given that my times of writing have been driven primarily by negative bursts of feeling – rage, sorrow, uncertainty, longing – I realize I need to level that out with entries that catalogue more positive, even mundane events. I do tend to put a lot of thought into mundanity.
While 2017 will be yet another year of change – God knows I hope this time next year I’m not still a contractor in the Supplier Performance team at UTAS – I hope for a trajectory that goes up instead of down. Last time I was so optimistic I lost my job the next day, so I do not have the best judgement of quality, perhaps.
Either way, on the home front Gustavo and I are okay – on a scale of 1-10, I’d say a 7. We are both trying to air our own flaws and help each other with each others’. I’d still say there’s a bit of me that’s in the “coulda woulda shoula” mentality of the type of guy that may have been a better match for ambitious yet someone lost person that is me, but we’ve been having a few counseling sessions that have been very helpful to pick out the areas of communication we both need from each other to work better. I am positive about this and feel it is worth the $120 per hour…. mostly. $60 would be much kinder to my wallet. But there are fundamental issues that we need to address in our differences before having any children, which is also another part of 2017 that I would like to see bear fruit. Pun intended.
I feel abnormal for pursuing and perusing new jobs in the disparate sectors of higher education student services, international logistics and transportation, and disability advocacy. I keep getting the advice to stick to one thing, but I feel like if I do that my life will only be partly lived. Yes, I can balance my paid work with volunteer work (ie work in international transportation, volunteer in disability advocacy, host college students) and I am already doing some of that. So that’s a start. keeping this entry positive.
I’m easing into an adult relationship with my parents. I feel that having kids would cement that because whi;e I’ll be asking for their advice it will be about the kids and parent-to-parent discussion, much as the woman-to-woman or investor-to-investor discussions that we have already begun to cement up. I like where this is going.
Friends – well, I know that my church, Jessica, and Dina are on my hot list of friends I see most often. I have other friends too, but I tend to forget about them. When I’m lonely, I think of what a shitty friend I am, but when things are rosy and bright, I’m as oblivious to inclusion as a high school clique. Well, I hope not because I’m not mean. Just oblivious. And I don;t check my email or Facebook often enough to know if I have missed a friend reaching out. But why don’t I care all that much? I seem to have lost my enthusiasm for engaging with everything. Hm.
Which somewhat leads to my current focus: health. For my birthday last year I promised myself I would get a trike. I was also on the uptick for weight gain. In the summer I got a trike. And a reality check that I weighed 163 lbs. That’s the highest and most uncomfortable I’ve ever been. I participated in a 25 mile race in October and started the Healthy Balance program through Kaiser. I plan to do the Senorita Century (62 mile) ride in San Marcos in March if it is still happening – 62 for 32 years! and stay in shape. I’m entering the territory of potentially weighing a healthy 130 lbs but have not weighed that amount since I was 14. Weird. For my height, less than that would be potentially better, but I just want to be fit and healthy.
Ok, update complete. This afternoon we have a family gathering with Gustavo’s family at my parents house. I’m excited for that! And otherwise, APPLYING for jobs – not just looking at them.
At the moment, I’m especially good at expectorating
(10 points for Gaston…) (Beauty and the Beast).
Viewpoints from the Horizon 