Pacific Coast Bike Trail – 2021?

Silvia Halperin and Steve Green are known names in the recumbent trike community for their travels by trike in the US and abroad. Sylvia’s YouTube videos about taking a trike by plane helped me face the reality of moving across country with my Catrike Pocket, Puma. Puma took some bumps and jacked up the Philadelphia baggage carousel, but that wasn’t her fault – the loaders were just not thinking correctly. Thankfully I had padded her well so she came out of that mechanical fight just fine.

Steve’s known for being a trike hobo, packing up his items for a multi-week camp-by-trike epic journey the subject of many a triker’s wet dreams (seemingly mostly long-retired men who are presumably waiting for x y or z before they can start planning their own multi-week journey… though I’d love to be proven wrong).

As someone who changed careers and my entire lifestyle in order to be healthier, and then moved to three states with my husband, cats, and trike to bushwhack the career path I wanted, I’m aware of the sacrifices and struggles inherent in making dreams become a reality. I’ve also consciously closed doors to dreams I wanted in order to accept the reality of other decisions. Right now those dreams don’t fit into my current trajectory, and I’m (finally) good with the current trajectory. Focus, Jamie. Focus.

Ok, so I’m not setting out to be the next Sylvia or Steve. I’m only the me that is me. I like to plan dreams into reality, and I like to write, mostly stream of consciousness. So here’s my plan. Let’s figure this out.

With some input directly from Sylvia Halperin, indirect experiences from my Facebook Recumbent Trikes group and inspiration from my friend Stephanie in Texas who takes time off for short road trips, and the wishings of my friend Hoppy in my local trike group about multi-day touring, I’m gonna make a SMART goal, right here. Specific, Measurable, Acheivable, Relevant, and Timebound.

I am going to ride my trike on the Pacific Coast bike trail between Oregon and San Francisco.

That seems pretty specific, but could be tighter. Except we are in the middle of a PANDEMIC. And I’d like to have a child to suck my life away in 2022. I mean to love forever. So… sooner rather than later, but what is realistic?

After a couple hours of research I have found that the section recommended from Crescent City to San Francisco is over 400 miles. Just 30 minutes on the Explore Del Norte County (Crescent City CA area) website and I’m already thinking there’s so much more than biking that could be great to do. Do I want to tour 400 miles by myself on my trike? Not really. Would I like to take a couple weeks, say, in late summer, to tool around the area, working a little and playing a lot, clocking in a good number of miles on my trike but also maybe kayaking, beer tasting, working remotely in all its glory? Hell yeah.

So, SMART goal reality check. Less “EPIC woman against nature” and more “this is what remote work from wherever actually means.” Though a nice 15 minute YouTube diversion, converting a van I don’t (yet?) own for full RV style camping also isn’t necessary. I COULD see myself sitting in my trike as I work on my laptop from the trail at the scenic point of a trail… or leaning back on a bean-bag chair in my open converted RV hatchback Suburban looking out over a picturesque green valley dappled with trees in a hatchback SUV, sleeping with an inflatable or foam rollable mattress and working from an Instagram-worthy picturesque location. Maybe some day I’ll post a picture like that. But not for the likes. Maybe I’d do it and just not post it to the world. Gasp.

If it was just me I could take out the passenger seat and fit the trike and a single person comfortably with some mattress-like padding and cooler to take a few snack. Definitely doable. Not feeling super tent vibes when I think about lots of cycling too. But I’m married. and more directly: I don’t have that kind of vehicle. We traveled from DC to San Diego and slept in the back of a long-bed truck for three of those nights when we were younger. I could totally do that again.

For next year, I think I’ll plan some incremental trips. One day, maybe with a different (smaller) trike ilke a Greenspeed Gt3, I’ll do a roughing it mode, but for now I picture myself, alone, in 2021, for two weeks in a small town, triking and hiking and typing away. Not because I’d be single but just taking time for myself in the way I travel, not someone else.

Here’s my starting list:

November/December 2020: Ride to my parents’ and back in 2 travel days (92 miles)

January/February: Ride to my grandma’s and back in 4 travel days (170 miles)

Late Spring? Train trip! In my head: ride my trike from a train to an Airbnb near a bike trail.

48 days to WAS Exam??

Edit: I had a whole post ready on progressive enhancement vs graceful degradation, but somehow adding a caption to a tomato image erased the entire content. So… updated. Gracefully. Progressively. Enhancing my degradation.

I’m still shooting for the WAS exam on March 10th, during CSUN 2020. Now that my work colleagues and I are all remote, consider it one of few opportunities to get together. I still need likely 100 hours of studying, but we’ll see. This week in my study flow: Accessibility Support; choosing accessibility techniques that are well-supported.

Today’s topic: graceful degradation vs progressive enhancement.

graceful degradation…

• building to the most/more modern browser while “degrading gracefully”, or reducing the complexity, for older browser types with simpler styling.
• Looking back and giving an alternative after something is not available
• Assume that most people will have JavaScript enabled, CSS, and images.

I’m just going to state right off the bat I’m not keen on this one even before considering the alternative. Using “degradation” as a positive verb is like saying “homely” is a great way to describe your (all-female) family. It could be interpreted as simple but cozy “of the home”, but since I’m in the US that means at best “plain” and at worst “ugly”. I can’t stop thinking of very old ballerinas or sophisticated movement of a slow-motion landslide. Like digital content, I’m sure these are lovely in specific contexts but are also very likely going to result in a crash.

versus progressive enhancement:

So ok, to be fair I didn’t explore much on the other category. But it’s my blog. So here’s more details on the better option.

• Basic content should be accessible to all web browsers
• Basic functionality should be accessible to all web browsers
• Sparse, semantic markup contains all content
• Enhanced layout is provided by externally linked CSS
• Enhanced behavior is provided by externally linked JavaScript that it unobtrusive (functionality and content are separate)
• End-user browser preferences are respected…
• … looking forward (up?) with a firm hold on the ground

Progressive enhancement at its core is about separating structure and content from semantics, presentation, and behavior. It grew out out of a recognition that graceful degradation, or the idea that you build to the most current browser and allow them to remain “presentable” with older browsers, relied on the assumption that new browsers were always going to be faster and more powerful…. and a lingering air of condescension. Enter the PDA or smartphone, which has varying levels of bandwidth to bring this theory down a couple notches, but also the release into the great beyond of some of the truly really old browsers (Windows 1?). Is MS-DOS still a thing?

The case for accessibility on this one is strong because the semantic markup of progressive enhancement integrates the awareness of assistive tools, and various user technical combinations, to get to digital content and orient themselves correctly regardless of their browser or mobile/web interaction. It also seems to make the planning a bit more practical before even getting to an end user scenario. Yes, there is more up-front investigating (ie for a print feature – understanding that some people don’t have JavaScript enabled, what should we design and develop to communicate something is printable?). But then you have a product that is designed for end users as they are, not as developers want them to be.

Another cool handy term i learned from this: unobtrusive JavaScript. I’ve seen it in code and just thought that coding process was like an If/Then formula. But it’s actually a thoughtful ideology: To make sure that your scripts do not inconvenience anyone, you should make sure your scripts do not make any assumptions. Example:

Thank you for your order. Please print this page for your records.

In summary:

GD: I think of an apologetic hotel desk person; the features online are not always available in the hotel… or at the guest’s pay rate… so at that point they do their best to accommodate, but may look down their noses while doing so?

PE; Picture… Food? I think of a Subway sandwich with a variety of options that start as a base sandwich type and you can add layers later that can be removed relatively easily, rather than a prix fixe meal already prepared and someone saying they will die from the nuts.

https://www.w3.org/wiki/Graceful_degradation_versus_progressive_enhancement

Life #sux but sometimes it’s ok

2017 has been a hard year. Work relationships dropped. Left feeling like garbage by my manager. Rejected by all the places I wanted to work and felt so ready to contribute to. Accepted into a position I’m clearly not a great fit for. Married life is ok, but mostly sucks. I’m exhausted all the time. And people ask me if I want to have a family. WTF. 

Prayer is Praise

Psalm 66

Psalm 66
1 Shout for joy to God, all the earth;

2 sing the glory of his name;

    give to him glorious praise!

3 Say to God, “How awesome are your deeds!

    So great is your power that your enemies come cringing to you.

4 All the earth worships you

    and sings praises to you;

    they sing praises to your name.” Selah

5 Come and see what God has done:

    he is awesome in his deeds toward the children of man.

6 He turned the sea into dry land;

    they passed through the river on foot.

There did we rejoice in him,

7 who rules by his might forever,

whose eyes keep watch on the nations—

    let not the rebellious exalt themselves. Selah

8 Bless our God, O peoples;

    let the sound of his praise be heard,

9 who has kept our soul among the living

    and has not let our feet slip.

10 For you, O God, have tested us;

    you have tried us as silver is tried.

11 You brought us into the net;

    you laid a crushing burden on our backs;

12 you let men ride over our heads;

    we went through fire and through water;

yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance.

13 I will come into your house with burnt offerings;

    I will perform my vows to you,

14 that which my lips uttered

    and my mouth promised when I was in trouble.

15 I will offer to you burnt offerings of fattened animals,

    with the smoke of the sacrifice of rams;

I will make an offering of bulls and goats. Selah

16 Come and hear, all you who fear God,

    and I will tell what he has done for my soul.

17 I cried to him with my mouth,

    and high praise was on my tongue.

18 If I had cherished iniquity in my heart,

    the Lord would not have listened.

19 But truly God has listened;

    he has attended to the voice of my prayer.

20 Blessed be God,

    because he has not rejected my prayer

    or removed his steadfast love from me!

Levanter Wind Calling

I must write this to remember.

“The wind began to pick up. He knew that wind: people called it the levanter, because on it the Moors had come from the Levant at the eastern end of the Mediterranean.

The levanter increased in intensity. Here I am, between my flock and my treasure, the boy thought. He had to choose between something he had become accustomed to and something he wanted to have. There was also the merchant’s daughter, but she wasn’t as important as his flock, because she didn’t depend on him. Maybe she didn’t even remember him. He was sure that it made no difference to her on which day he appeared: for her, every day was the same, and when each day is the same as the next, it’s because people fail to recognize the good things that happen in their lives every day that the sun rises” (27). – The Alchemist

I was unable to sleep after finishing The Alchemist last night at 2:00 am. The story of a boy who heeds his intuition, seeks God’s guidance through omens and interactions with people, and gains insight from a man of the desert, The Alchemist stirs up in its readers a gentle, forceful, or levanter wind reminding to live a life of purpose – what is yours? what is mine? But even more, are you pursuing the goal in life that you most desire?

In Pursuit of a Non-Linear Path

Throughout the book, we see various situations of people who the boy meets, many of whom have neglected or smothered their ‘Personal Legend,’ as this desire is called, under pretenses of obligation and delayed gratification. The boy, after being in seminary until age 16, finds that his connection to God cannot be found in a school, and seeks to know more about the world. The boy’s father, while at first upset, agrees to help him to pursue a nomadic lifestyle by giving him some money for sheep, who need to wander to survive but who would give him income as he wandered as well. The boy remembers seeing a look in his father’s eyes that seemed wistful and nostalgic,  and realizes his father had the same dream to travel the world but did not fulfill it. A baker he meets dreams of traveling throughout northern Africa, but decides to become a baker and have his business to save up for a month-long trip to Africa when he retires – it is not what he wants, but it seems a fair compromise given mounting obligations of having become a baker. The boy does not say anything but he knows that the baker is not fully satisfied. Along his journey he works for a crystal glassware seller who desires to complete his trip to Mecca as one of the five pillars of Islam, but tells the boy even after the boy helps him to gain enough money to go, that he prefers to dream about it rather than achieve it. His hesitation and apparent disinterest undermine what the boy eventually discovers is the most important part of deciding to fulfill a dream: a person is refined and becomes more deeply able to live a fulfilled life by experiencing the process of pursuit.

The dream the boy pursues in The Alchemist is to find a treasure near the Pyramids of Egypt which he saw in a vision. While the focus on finding the treasure is for him not driven by a desire for monetary wealth, he recognizes that until he fulfills this dream, it will nag and impact his life negatively. I know that feeling. Not just a lingering “what if…?” but also the “why not now?” All the big and bold decisions that he makes in the book, he makes based on what he has learned in prior, perhaps seemingly distracting interactions with people along the way and by seeking omens from God: to be a shepherd; to sell his sheep for a ticket to Tunisia (he starts out in Spain); to give his money to a guide; to stay in Tunisia for a year; to go to Egypt with a caravan across the desert; to live in the moment; to speak of a vision at the risk of death; to trust in nature’s power through God. Each of these moments teaches him lessons that build on each other, and which are necessary to learn and be built on in order to fulfill his dream. His path isn’t linear. It isn’t supposed to be.

I know that I want to connect people together across cultures. I know that the fulfillment of this dream is not a specific job or location. Yet I also have learned through painful experience that my shortsightedness of thinking it is has led to resentment, rage, and bitterness. Does the pursuit of my dream mean leaving San Diego? Does it mean leaving Gustavo? No, it means pursuing my dream. Did the boy decide to “leave” his dream of being with the merchant’s daughter because the treasure was more important? No. He decided that right now, the decision was whether to follow his dream, whatever that looked like for today. The relationship would play itself out. The details would vary. And interpreting the dream, as he finds, is in itself a skill, built on the lessons he learns and the value that others see in him.

This current job search has enabled me to reflect more wholly on my pursuit thus far. What excited me about the External Programs Coordinator position at the USD Ahlers Center for International Business was as much its specific focus on connecting people across cultures as it was the need for someone with experience abroad, in education, and in business. Who wants a woman with 8 years of seemingly disimilar work experience? Apparently, they do. I did not get the part time position, but there is now a full time position I will apply to this week. Whether or not I get the job, I feel more at peace that my career path has not been linear.

I felt closest to my dream when I was working in Oaxaca at Divertigranja. I was living abroad; I knew I needed to have experience abroad to follow my dream. By following that knowledge, I learned many things about displacement and diversity of thought by immersing myself in “elsewhere” – and that voluntary and involuntary displacement are both key to connecting people across cultures, and without it, my pursuit would be shallow, misunderstood, unreal; the difference between sympathy and empathy. In my role at the farm, I also was doing a variety of things, both mentally and physically stimulating, and have since found that to be where I am most in my element. My main role was to create connections between groups on all sides. Do I want to return to Divertigranja? Part of me wants to return every single day I’m not there. Yet I cannot bring myself to respond to Hugo’s email that has been sitting in my inbox for a month … mostly because I still can’t justify having left.

When I decided to visit Divertigranja, I got a job here, in 2011 at FLOC and in 2016 at UTAS. Is that an omen? I’m not sure. At FLOC I was tested by moving across country, I tasted of the pungent dichotomy that is the Washington DC transient vs resident communities, I found my third home. I also learned how not so great of a program coordinator I was, of the need to be concise and more organized, of the reality that good communication with a manager is not as natural a talent of mine as I thought – a reality that has bitten my heel now multiple times but which must be learned. At UTAS, I experienced that reality more harshly. Yet do I understand the world of Supply Chain a bit better than I did three years ago? Yes.

Expecting So Much Less of Myself

Perhaps God decided that I needed a taste of a dream fulfilled as I wandered lost in my cubicle world last year. 8 months ago I decided to lose weight, based mostly on health concerns from my doctor, but also on the pursuit of health for health’s sake. Because my Body Mass Index (BMI) was in the obese category, I wanted to know what would it feel like to be a healthy weight, or at most 24.9 BMI. That meant a weight that I have not been at since close to puberty, a weight that seemed unreachable unless I made some unrealistic diet plan that didn’t seem sustainable. A 36 lbs weight loss. Yet here I am, 8 months later, not quite there yet but 29.5 lbs lighter. In the pursuit of this goal, I have built my balance, gotten stronger, and reached beyond most milestones I set for myself which also seemed unreachable when I wrote them. Initially I challenged myself to reach that 24.9 BMI by June 30th 2017, and maintain the weight for the next year, as a SMART goal. I will continue to pursue this dream, because it’s in the pursuit of the dream where the magic happens. I have learned the ways my body works to fuel me. I have experienced the calories in vs calories out, empty calories vs rich calorie intake. I have become more mindful of my lifestyle – and the process has changed my life.

In pursuit of my healthy weight goal I learned much from a Kaiser Healthy Balance class, and my food consumption habits, portions, and tastes have naturally shifted. I took up cycling and have learned much about road cycling culture, challenge, and finding my place in a displaced setting; it feels dynamic and meaningful to be present as a voice in that culture. I feel more at home in my body and admire more and more what it can do. I have never really thought of myself as ugly; now I’m just eager to be good to myself and I can’t help but notice the beginnings of a toned body and the elation of endorphins as the fruits of my labor.  I have already adjusted to seeing my natural size as one near my current weight, not 15 lbs heavier and 3 sizes larger as I have seen myself for many years. That adjustment and re-alignment has been one of my life’s biggest surprises – not so much that I got to a certain threshold, a milestone I intend to keep, but that I was expecting so much less of myself before now.

This idea of the unreachable dream… I can tangibly feel that levanter wind start to pick away at the word “unreachable”.

 

 

 

 

All Black Men Look Blue in Moonlight

The more I think about the movie Moonlight, which I saw last night, the more I consider the powerful undercurrent of vulnerability that our society does not want to see black men – or men in general – feel.

 

Ponder the Path

Proverbs 4:26-27

“Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure. Do not swerve to the right or the left; turn your foot away from evil.”
Yesterday Gustavo and I went on a hike that involved careful footing to stay stable on the path, particularly for me in my imbalanced walk. My mind was just as tired as my body after that hike. In many places I had to think carefully and test every step, and it was clear from the drop that swerving would lead to a painful sprained ankle, bruised butt, or other falling actions I’ve experienced – or have yet to experience. That is the immediate, each step, sort of pondering. I had to look ahead and determine whether I was headed down a path or not at all. All that pondering led to sure steps. But it was a lot of work!
 I do a lot of pondering but not moving. Now to move. 

Especially Good at Expectorating…

Despite having a minor chest cold – which seems to be easing as expected due to my uncharacteristically scheduled cough syrup and Mucinex routine  – I feel content about my circumstances. Given that my times of writing have been driven primarily by negative bursts of feeling – rage, sorrow, uncertainty, longing – I realize I need to level that out with entries that catalogue more positive, even mundane events. I do tend to put a lot of thought into mundanity.

While 2017 will be yet another year of change – God knows I hope this time next year I’m not still a contractor in the Supplier Performance team at UTAS  – I hope for a trajectory that goes up instead of down. Last time I was so optimistic I lost my job the next day, so I do not have the best judgement of quality, perhaps.

Either way, on the home front Gustavo and I are okay – on a scale of 1-10, I’d say a 7. We are both trying to air our own flaws and help each other with each others’. I’d still say there’s a bit of me that’s in the “coulda woulda shoula” mentality of the type of guy that may have been a better match for ambitious yet someone lost person that is me, but we’ve been having a few counseling sessions that have been very helpful to pick out the areas of communication we both need from each other to work better. I am positive about this and feel it is worth the $120 per hour…. mostly. $60 would be much kinder to my wallet. But there are fundamental issues that we need to address in our differences before having any children, which is also another part of 2017 that I would like to see bear fruit. Pun intended.

I feel abnormal for pursuing and perusing new jobs in the disparate sectors of higher education student services, international logistics and transportation, and disability advocacy. I keep getting the advice to stick to one thing, but I feel like if I do that my life will only be partly lived. Yes, I can balance my paid work with volunteer work (ie work in international transportation, volunteer in disability advocacy, host college students) and I am already doing some of that. So that’s a start. keeping this entry positive.

I’m easing into an adult relationship with my parents. I feel that having kids would cement that because whi;e I’ll be asking for their advice it will be about the kids and parent-to-parent discussion, much as the woman-to-woman or investor-to-investor discussions that we have already begun to cement up. I like where this is going.

Friends – well, I know that my church, Jessica, and Dina are on my hot list of friends I see most often. I have other friends too, but I tend to forget about them. When I’m lonely, I think of what a shitty friend I am, but when things are rosy and bright, I’m as oblivious to inclusion as a high school clique. Well, I hope not because I’m not mean. Just oblivious. And I don;t check my email or Facebook often enough to know if I have missed a friend reaching out. But why don’t I care all that much? I seem to have lost my enthusiasm for engaging with everything. Hm.

Which somewhat leads to my current focus: health. For my birthday last year I promised myself I would get a trike. I was also on the uptick for weight gain. In the summer I got a trike. And a reality check that I weighed 163 lbs. That’s the highest and most uncomfortable I’ve ever been. I participated in a 25 mile race in October and started the Healthy Balance program through Kaiser. I plan to do the Senorita Century (62 mile) ride in San Marcos in March if it is still happening – 62 for 32 years! and stay in shape. I’m entering the territory of potentially weighing a healthy 130 lbs but have not weighed that amount since I was 14. Weird. For my height, less than that would be potentially better, but I just want to be fit and healthy.

Ok, update complete. This afternoon we have a family gathering with Gustavo’s family at my parents house. I’m excited for that! And otherwise,  APPLYING for jobs – not just looking at them.

 

At the moment, I’m especially good at expectorating
(10 points for Gaston…) (Beauty and the Beast).

needs and wants

I am think about goals agin. And timing. And other things.

 

I need to get a permanent position.

I need a husband that I am satisfied with.

I need healthcare that can support having a family in the next year.

I need a housing situation that can support our financial needs

I need to be more organized.

 

I want to have a job I will intend to keep for many years.

I want to feel secure with the husband I have.

I want to plan for a baby in 2017 with him.

I want a healthy family and the ability to provide for its needs in partnership.

I want to own a home.

I want to be more organized.

 

Election 2016: Psalm 23: 4-5

I feel as though I am walking through an unknown valley, the day after this year’s election. It is scary because it is unknown and dark to me, not because it is definitely a valley of the shadow of death or evil, though it feels that way.

There is a death of something in the US this year, though I cannot identify what has been lost. I am mourning, but I cannot articulate my sorrow.

I sent out an open invitation on Facebook to have dinner or coffee with anyone who voted for Trump. I want to listen and learn, what has shifted in our country. As much as it makes me nauseous to write this, I could be wrong about Trump. At the very least, I’m out of touch with my fellow Americans who love his words and look forward to his leadership. I want to replace my fear with hope. I am a center left voter but want to remain open minded. I want to proudly articulate why I would vote for any candidate. I want to allay fears of my friends from other countries. At the moment, I don’t know how.

I want Barak back. I like Hilary. A lot. But I want democracy more, and that means sitting at the table – eating, discussing, deliberating.. in the presence of seeming enemies. No one is my enemy, least of all the millions of people who voted for Trump. But I seriously don’t get it – what will he deliver us out of?

I cannot focus at work today. My soul is not at peace. I am anxious.

Internally: whether a move out of country will be beneficial to my family – a very real and untimely decision.